My Back to School Wish List

A new academic year starts in less than 48 hours. And like every year, I am filled with excitement, anxiety, fear, and hope. I know what's going to happen this year because I've finally accepted that I have no idea what's going to happen. So before the year begins, let me share with you my back to school wish list.

1. Every student reads the syllabus. Then they look at it throughout the semester. Amazing. 
2. I never hear the phrase, "So, did I miss anything important?"
3. I do hear the phrase, "Wow, (insert librarian's name) was really helpful."
4. When someone's cell phone goes off in class the ring tone is amazingly appropriate for whatever topic we are discussing.
5. That nobody thinks I can't tell when they are texting (I would wish for a text-free classroom, but that's probably too far-fetched, even for a completely contrived wish list).
6. At least one student admits to texting in class (that could happen).
7. And then shares with us the hilarious thread...that somehow relates to class (I hope this happens).
8. The plague that inevitably descends on campus will somehow miss me and all of my students.
9. I will grade everything in a timely manner.
10. Someone who has never heard of improv will have his or her life changed by it.
11. I will amend my syllabus today because in November I'll be cursing myself for assigning so much work.
12. No one will ask me a question that I just spent ten minutes answering (probably because they all read the syllabus).
13. For the perfect student to realize that I'm not looking for perfection or the right answer. Because there is no right answer.
14. For nobody to ask me in the last week of the semester if there is anything they can do about their grade. You mean other than ask me the first week of class? No. 
15. A student will try and get me off topic only to realize that his misdirection led to the best discussion of the semester.
16. Every student will turn in A level work. Seriously, you guys have no idea how much more pleasant (and less time consuming) it is when you do good work. I desperately want you to get an A. But that means you do A work, not that I give you an A.
17. Someone who dreads going to class the first week will love it by the last week.
18. At least one student to piss me off.
19. For me to piss off at least one student.
20. For somebody to come to my office hours.
21. Did I mention grading everything in a timely manner?
22. For students to respect me enough to realize I can tell if something is in 16 point font with two inch margins. At least go 12.5 and 1.15 - you're in college now.
23. Every meeting I attend will be an excellent use of my time.
24. Students to challenge me in class. Sometimes I say stupid shit. Sometimes I say something that you think is stupid shit, but once we discuss you realize it isn't.
25. To remind myself it's okay not to know the answer. Because usually the right question is more important than the right answer.
26. For the student who is going to skip a month and a half of class to stick to his guns and not show up the last week of class and act like everything's cool and that there is still a chance for him to pass. 
27. To know exactly what I want to wear every single day.
28. To allow myself the freedom to stray from the plan. Let's face it, those are usually the best classes.
29. For one class project to eclipse the complete bizarreness and completely-missed-the-pointness of the armed sheep at the school yard project from two springs ago.
30. For all of my advisees to get into every single class they need...and then to take a few they don't.
31. To get a student play that I desperately want to steal.
32. To inspire my students half as much as they will inspire me.
33. For all of my jokes and references to work.
34. For my students to fail something (not like a whole class, but you know, to experience some kind of adversity) and then realize that it was probably the best thing to happen to them all semester.
35. To never hear or be a part of an "I'm so busy" "But I'm busier" conversation. Just do your fucking work and shut up.
36. To unintentionally say something brilliant.
37. For somebody to purposely turn in a paper written in Comic Sans because they know I'll appreciate the joke behind it.
38. For that paper to then be the best paper in the class.
39. To not guilt myself for not writing, or grading, or planning.
40. To spend enough time on my own writing.
41. To learn something new.

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