10 Thoughts Heading Into the DNC That None of You Care About...

Get ready!...for a boring convention.

1) I love Bernie, but he lost. Was the system rigged against him? Of course it was. Did the DNC pull some shady business? Of course. We've known for a long time that Democrats are really good at shooting themselves in the foot (if only there were stronger gun laws...I mean guns are a tool...I mean Democrats kill Democrats not guns...I mean Michael Dukakis coming out of that tank*...I mean...). But he lost by a relatively large margin. Do I wish he was running? Yes. Because the only thing Republicans seem to agree on right now is their dislike of Hillary. Also, don't forget the world is crashing and burning at our feet, so I hope you are reading this from the safety of your wifi-equipped fallout shelter.

2) Would any of us trust our grandmothers with email security? Of course not. It's more of a shock that her personal email wasn't AOL.

3) Come to think of it, do you think part of the Democratic platform will be to just go ahead and eliminate email?

4) Do you think Ivanka Trump could speak again at the DNC?

5) I like the Tim Kaine pick. He's not Elizabeth Warren, but that's probably a good thing for the general election. He's more progressive than he's being painted right now, though nobody is going to headline a New Year's Eve party with Kaine. He's certainly not perfect, but at least he's never signed a legal discrimination bill. And thanks to Scottie Neil Hughes, he now has the opportunity to wear a Dora the Explorer backpack everywhere he goes. 

6) Do you think Trump will show up every night again?

7) What are the odds during his speech Bill Clinton will realize he's not the nominee...and then have a sad moment...and then say something stupid? For somebody so good on the campaign trail he's been surprisingly bad at playing the supporting role (though maybe that isn't surprising when you remember this is Bill Clinton we're talking about).

8) What Democrat sells a part of his or her soul first and praises Ted Cruz? Sure the guy stood up to Trump, but that doesn't change the fact that he's still Ted Cruz.

9) It's probably going to be much more boring than the RNC. They'll probably have speakers who actually like Clinton, there'll be no Scott Baio, nobody will invoke Lucifer, heck, I bet there won't even be any (maybe intentional?...okay probably not, but maybe?) Nazi salutes, the keynote speaker every night will be the last speaker of the night (you know, boring old scheduling), I doubt there will be a Salem witch trial, etc. etc. (and that's excluding Trump's "the world is ending and I'm the only one who can stop it" speech). We can hope that Jim Webb will come back and talk about the guy he killed that one time, but that's probably a pipe dream. On the plus side, how great would it be if Michelle Obama just gave Melania's speech word for word? On the real plus side, it would be even greater - dare I say it would make America great again? - if nobody mentioned Trump.  

10) Maybe this defense is right. Perhaps after 25 years of the right wing trying to investigate and take down Hillary Clinton we can come to the conclusion that either she's not the most corrupt politician to ever walk the face of the earth and perhaps should not be locked up (I mean how many of us would hold up to the Republican party digging into everything we've said or done our entire life with the sole purpose of discrediting or imprisoning you...)? Or she is the most corrupt politician to ever walk the face of the earth and she's been able to outmaneuver a political party dedicated to taking her down (and outsmart the media...which I know is so biased to the left, blah blah blah), which would make her perhaps the best politician in the history of the world. ​ 



*One of the big campaign theories they talk about in the Dukakis video is to "Never put your candidate in a hat." Hmmm.

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